Self-love is a dangerous concept. It can walk a fine line between healthy belief in yourself and hubris. Plus, the world around us encourages us to give ourselves constructive criticism, focus on what can be "improved," never settle for anything less than the best...and so on and so on. In a world of social media and advertising constantly trying to humble you, it can feel taboo just to appreciate your own gifts.

I have had a really hard time loving myself lately. Not just caring for my needs. Not even celebrating my accomplishments. Loving myself, no matter what I achieve or don't. No matter what I eat or what I wear or what I do for work or what I look like, I am worthy of love.

You might think that you need to earn love, that you have to deserve it. But think about a newborn baby. Would you look at a newborn baby and say they had not done anything worthy of love? Would you say they would earn love once they looked less squishy, once they could hold their head up by themselves, once they made their own money and paid their own rent?

Sounds crazy, right? A baby deserves love just because they exist. And so do you! And that love can, and should, come from yourself. Don't rely on others to love you like you deserve, give yourself that gift.

I get it, trust me. It's still easier said than done. It's pretty hard to just - POOF - feel it. Here are a few tricks I've used in the past to help me combat my inner critic and show myself the love I deserve.

1. Loving my body.

I am a modern American woman approaching thirty; this kind of self-love might be the hardest of them all for me. I am bombarded with messages about how my physical appearance defines my worth.

Changing the language I used to describe my body has allowed me to appreciate it more. I have a cluster of freckles on my collar bones that I never thought much about until someone I cherished called them a constellation. After that, my constellation became one of my favorite physical features.

Another time, I was challenged to write a poem with a metaphor for every body part from top to bottom. It took this form:

My hair is [a] ___. It ___.

My eyes are [a] ___. They ___.

My cheeks are [a] ___. They ___.

And so on, down to my toes.

The biggest challenge was not that I had to come up with so many metaphors. It was that the poetic language seemed to eliminate the usual judgmental words I tended to lean on from the word bank. I couldn't say my hair was good or bad, ugly or pretty, stylish or disastrous. All I could convey was that my hair was a cozy bird's nest made in a low tree.

This shake-up in language worked best for my least favorite parts of myself. My soft tummy took on a new delightfully whimsical yet useful aspect when it became an inner tube that kept me afloat in a pool. The large scar I have down my back from a life-saving surgical procedure became a short-cut through a mountain pass on a worn parchment map.

If you have body parts that you find difficult to love, I encourage you to write your own poem, and find your own constellations and maps.

2. Accepting and appreciating my emotions.

Humans want to classify everything into good and bad. Naturally, it's hard to accept that there are no bad emotions. But really, it's true! There are no bad emotions.

When I attended a theater intensive as a teenager, I learned a practice called Check In that changed how I saw my own inner world. It seemed deceptively simple. We sat in a circle and one by one stated what emotion(s) we felt. But students who were new to the practice tried to say things like "I feel good," or "I'm ok, but kind of tired," or even "I'm having a bad day." Those are judgements, not emotions.

The four main emotions are sad, glad, mad, and afraid. We were encouraged to pick one or more of these and own it. For example, if I was feeling sad, I did not have to explain it away by saying, "I'm feeling kind of sad, but I'm not sure why because honestly, it's not like anything bad even happened. Yeah, I'm sure by tonight I'll be feeling better." Why did I feel the urge to deny my sadness like that? When there's no judgments to fall back on, what's "better" anyway?

I also learned the transformative aphorism, "And, not but." Instead of saying "I'm excited, but I'm nervous," I was encouraged to say "I'm excited and I'm nervous." Even if the emotions seemed to contradict one another, like happiness and sadness, I claimed them both. "I'm happy, and I'm sad." People have so many things going on in their lives, like all kinds of different relationships, activities, and events. It's ridiculous to think they'll all align at once to cause one singular emotion. All sorts of emotions can co-exist in one moment.

When I replaced judgments with observations, owned up to my emotions, and replaced limitations with curiosity, I was far better able to understand and appreciate my inner world. If you find it hard to accept certain emotions, I encourage you to Check In with yourself. Utilize the four main emotion words and rid yourself of the notion that you should only experience some of them.

3. Giving myself grace.

I've always been a perfectionist and a hard-worker. In the past, I've treated "lazy" like a dirty word. I've defined my worth by what I could accomplish.

I was on a promising career path as an actor when the pandemic came and yanked the proverbial rug out from under me. I didn't know who I was without acting, but not because I so deeply loved the theater that I felt a part of me was missing. It was because my self-worth was entangled in what role I got, how often I was booking, if I had a good agent, if I looked the part, etc.

I decided to take a break from the competitive theater industry and discover who I am without it. It was not easy for an overachiever like me to make peace with taking a break. In fact, I felt so ashamed and disgusted with my choice that I waffled back and forth for two more years, auditioning in spurts and then giving up for a few months at a time. It was like an abusive relationship that I couldn't leave.

I haven't auditioned once this year, and I'm actually proud of myself for committing to this time off. I discovered the mantra "Rest is not lazy." I wrote it on a sticky note that I keep prominently displayed on my desk.

I also discovered the illuminating quote, "A hobby is something that gives but doesn't take." For many people, their creative pursuits are their hobbies - their crafting or journaling or music-playing gives, but doesn't take. For professional artists, their creative pursuits are always taking. They are striving to perfect their skills, often to make money. I realized I didn't have anything in my life that I could be peacefully, quietly "just ok" at. I am trying to embrace activities that do not ask too much of me, like walking in nature and reading. It is still hard, but I am trying every day to see myself as more than just what I have to offer to the world.

If you feel that the pressure to achieve is hindering you from showing yourself love, I encourage you to remind yourself that rest is not lazy. Maybe even write it on a sticky note and display it somewhere you'll see it often. And find an activity that does not ask too much of you. See if you can be ok with being "just ok" at it.

4. Letting MPW help.

Many people find yoga to be a gateway to self-love. It can help you see your body in a new way, discover and accept your true emotions, and cultivate a more holistic view of yourself. It can be your hobby that gives but does not take, your sanctuary of rest. So check out the class schedule and find a time to come join us on the mat. We'd love to help you more deeply and fully love yourself.

In love and light 💗,

Jo-Jo

P.S. Our NEWEST offering, Sip & Share, starts this next Monday June 3rd & Kundalini Returns Saturday June 8th!

Sip & Share is a monthly gathering dedicated to exploring the deeper dimensions of yoga and self-discovery. Held on Monday nights, this unique event blends Dharma talks, self-reflection, and the exploration of yogic sciences and philosophies, all while sipping on soothing tea. Whether you're a seasoned practitioner or new to yoga, this event welcomes everyone. It's a wonderful opportunity to learn, share, and grow in a supportive and welcoming community.

• When: Monthly on Monday nights (1st Monday of each month)
• Cost: None (but registration is still required!). Enjoy a cup of tea. Feel free to bring a snack to share.
• Who: Open to men and women of all levels

Join us for an evening of tea, talk, and transformation. We look forward to sharing this journey with you.

Back by popular demand: Weekly Kundalini Class, Saturdays 8-9:15am!

P.P.S.

Come out to the Peace of Mind Expo this weekend to see Jess & Jo-Jo, and 80+ other vendors! We'll be offering Aura photos, Aura Readings, Bio-Well Scans with Bio-Cor customized sound healing sessions, and more!

• Where: Gwinnett County Fairgrounds, 2405 Sugarloaf Pkwy, Lawrenceville GA 30045
• When: Saturday 10-6pm, Sunday 10-5pm
• What: Expose yourself to free speakers/lecturers, a labrynth you can walk in and meditate, 80+ vendors, and so much more! Come for the fun and exposure, leave with a sense of peace from the modalities you'll receive, the wellness products, and the connections you acquire!
• How: Tickets via https://www.peaceofmindexpo.com/ $10 general admission

We hope to see you there!