What do I want? What’s really important in life? What isn’t feeling right?

These are the questions that come to mind this morning as I settle into my morning practice. My body feels sore from the strength training yesterday, so long deep stretches are calling my name.

My mind questions, almost with sorrow or fear, where has the fiery energy that had shown up two weeks ago in my practice gone?

I catch the ego hinting: the lack of fire signals a shift towards failure.

The higher awareness comes: yes, something has shifted, but it is not necessarily bad; the fear and projections are merely automated responses. Let them go.

In supported child’s pose, as I focus on my breath, I slow down my thoughts enough to awaken to the awareness of what is there, within. Where is this fear coming from? What am I holding on to that feels so heavy?

There’s some sadness, some loneliness. I can notice how my mind is trying to keep me distracted from the absence of my loved one. When I tap into that, the anxiety of not hearing from him is intense; no wonder my mind wants me distracted. Despite my efforts to reach out, there’s no response. I return to the awareness, again, that I cannot control his actions. It does me no good to obsess or stay attached to these feelings. So, I acknowledge them and surrender them, too.

This only brings me another layer deeper. Why? Why am I in this situation? What is lacking within myself that invites this type of love? Be careful, I notice, it’s slipping into self-pity, not the direction I want to go.

Instead, I can simply acknowledge the desire for companionship, to be with someone. Not just anyone, but the specific someone who knows me through and through, and knows all the ways to love and support me. The someone who is not only walking this journey with me, but can carry me when I am weak.

Ahhh. Here we go. Now we’re getting somewhere. It’s not a someone. It’s a something. It’s a feeling of not feeling alone, of being supported and loved.

I’ve been breaking new ground, walking through some fires that others don’t see (as most of our self-evolution is this way). It’s enduring longer than anticipated, with unexpected challenges. (I never was good with patience; it’s still a constant lesson.) In the interim, the fears arise. The doubts creep in. They start to show up in different places: in relationships, in daily tasks, in my energy, even in my cooking… until I awaken to it.

Once awakened, conscious, I can choose. I take my power back.

So what do I want? What is really important in life? What isn’t feeling right?

These questions guide me, not from an ego or mind’s perspective, but as queries for my soul, using feelings and sensations as signposts for redirection. As I reconnect, reset, and recenter myself in this, clearing out the distractions and noise, I again find my focus on what truly supports me. I feel the belonging, the support, the faith again.

It was never that I needed someone or something else. What I needed was to align to the belief, faith, trust, conviction, love within myself, but I had to get the noise out of the way so I could do just that. Once I could reconnect to that within myself, the external attachments, desires, stories, dependence could be recognized for what they are and released. Everything I need is already within.

Time to get back to work (nice to see you again, Fire).

Does it mean that the external support, love, care, encouragement etc means nothing? Of course not. But it means that the absence or presence of those things does not dictate my own internal fulfillment, love, and joy. The frequency I set within sets the frequency I attune to and how I interact with the world.

It’s not about the poses. It never was. The physical practice does so much for us: true. But the biggest gift of yoga is consciousness. As Jigar Gor eloquently puts it, “Yoga is not about touching your toes, it’s about everything you learn on the way down.”

P.S. Join Us for a Special Free Offering Tonight!

Don’t forget about our monthly free event, “Living the Practice: Virtual Yoga Off the Mat Exploration,” happening tonight from 8-9 PM, immediately following our evening class from 6-7 PM. This session will be held via Zoom.

Tonight, we'll dive into the theme of Satya (truthfulness), reflecting on our personal truths and setting meaningful intentions. It's a perfect way to deepen your practice beyond the physical and explore the philosophical underpinnings of yoga that can transform everyday life.

Make sure to join us for an enriching experience that will inspire your practice on and off the mat. Zoom link details are available on our website and have been sent via email to all registered participants.

This session is free, but registration is required: HERE is the link!